This is crucial to children's development and to their overall success in life. I learned that every child needs consistent and firm parental guidance - a trusted parent who's willing to set and enforce appropriate limits. I realized this wasn't the kind of mom I wanted to be. In reality, I had very little parental authority with her. And when it didn't, she knew that throwing a huge tantrum would eventually get her exactly what she wanted! She wouldn't listen or follow rules, she was disrespectful and demanding. At the time, Annika was certainly calling all the shots as I scurried around trying to make sure everything went her way. I knew this was an important question - even as I was irritated and hurt by Mike's remarks all those years ago. Parents may also resist disciplining because they view the relationship with their kids as fragile and unable to bear stress.īut how does permissive parenting impact children? What Kids Really Need This can lead to permissive parenting where poor behavior is overlooked and children are sheltered from negative consequences. When battling guilt, parents may be compelled to over-compensate in an attempt to 'make-up' for pain their kids have experienced.įear, guilt and other factors create pressure and insecurity that can paralyze a parent and leave them ineffective when it comes to disciplining. Parents may also feel guilt over misguided choices they've made that have negatively impacted their kids. Almost every parent experiences guilt to some degree as they've watched their kids struggle through a divorce or grieve a lost parent. When I was a single mom, I had no shortage of guilt. Guilt is another strong emotion that can feed an avoidance of discipline. And what about those precarious pre-teen and teen years - parents can become fearful that kids won't want to spend time in their home if they experience anything negative, like discipline or correction. Doubt and fear can heighten if the kids' 'other home' doesn't seem to enforce boundaries or bad-mouths you. Unfortunately, it's pretty easy to slide into making parental decisions based on our fears. We had a 50/50 schedule and I wanted my time to be positive and fun-filled…not stressful. Maybe you can relate to some of the emotions that I struggled with…įear is a factor that many parents struggle with, especially a non-custodial parent with limited time. And, looking back I can see there were some complex issues that hindered my ability to function as an effective disciplinarian…I really felt paralyzed.

I hadn't realized that following my divorce, I'd become more and more permissive with my daughter.

I also didn't realize that following our upcoming marriage, he was hoping that we could implement more structure and boundaries around parenting my daughter, Annika (who was 5 at the time). His answer revealed that he viewed me as a permissive parent (ouch!). I was really hurt and irritated by one of Mike's answers. In our pre-marriage counseling we were each asked to complete a detailed questionnaire to help assess our compatibility. The very first fight Mike and I had was around parenting issues. These are things we hear parents say all the time - and usually it's in response to their spouse voicing frustration around their parenting…or lack of parenting. 'I don't have a lot of time with my kids, disciplining them will ruin what little time I have!' 'But my children have been through so much!'

Simply being kim